ex issues

his ex issues:

him: i have a crazy feeling she's going to call or text me sometime soon.
me: it better not be this week because i'm totally PMSing.
...the back story...
his ex is going out with a guy whom we suspect has gotten a mutual friend of ours pregnant approximately 6 months ago. well, it's water under the bridge for the couple i guess since his ex and the guy got together just a couple months ago.we assume she already knows what she's gotten into. but now that our friend is out of hiding and walking around town with a prominent belly, everyone's buzzing with chismis.

my ex issues:

the ex: crazy question, would you like to watch emm gryner? with me?
me: uh, just because we've been sort of getting along lately doesn't mean i'm going out with you. you keep forgetting i'm in a relationship that i care very deeply about. us going out is a total impossibility. i'm sorry. i really hope you're over me now.
...the back story...
i CANNOT hold a grudge. forgiveness is second nature, so sue me. and i mean this as a general trait.. not just to a select few. i definetely have a bitch bone but it's pretty short fused. we kinda made up a few weeks ago. let's just say i got caught off guard in a really good mood. shit happens. this is good anyway. i've got no hang ups, no rancor towards anyone. long live world peace. but he says he'll never get over me. knowing him, maybe this is more about winning than it is about love. love could have saved us but it didn't show up when it could have. now it's too late and i'll forever be the one who rubs salt in his wounds. his choice, not mine.

crisis management:
his ex issues
much as i would hate for him to coo her into sanity, i'd let the waterfall fall. rule number one. men will do whatever they want no matter what. rule number two. women rock! rule number three. a violation of trust is not acceptable. forgiveness will eventually happen but there will be dire consequences. rule number four. trust him with your life, heart, soul.. until he fucks it up. innocent until proven guilty rationale.

what i said to him that people don't normally say:
well, if you chose someone else in the end then i'll be hurt of course. but at least i was loved by you at one point so i guess it'll work out for both of us.

yeah yeah.. i got all emotional and went belly up exposing everything i had to offer. better to have said what you wanted to say than regret not ever having said it at all.

i think there's a certain freedom you gain in showing the whole deck of cards once in a while as opposed to keeping them so closely held all the time. good for you who can actually muster the courage and say it before the moment passes you by. no matter what you do, love will always end in tears. a break up... death. so why be afraid of throwing all care to the wind and basking in the wonderfulness of voicing love out. i think i would hate for the one i love to remember nothing but small talk in our relationship.

so what's in store for me:
same old, same old. life goes on as usual and i deal with it one at a time. maybe i'm stressing over nothing. maybe i'm setting myself up for heartache. the key is balance. i learned that the hard way. one thing i know is, i'm stronger than i thought i was. what i thought would break me down forever, built me up even more. i guess what they say is true.. whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.