"i'm going to have a stroke."
this is what i hear as i groggily pick up the phone at 1AM this morning. my heart skips a beat as my ears realize that it's my baby on the other end. for a split second, my brain actually takes this literally and i almost spring for my car keys.
apparently things in the father-son department aren't doing so well and he needs a sympathetic ear. nevermind that it's 1AM. i'm secretly glad he called me even if it's 1AM.
things explode. things from the past gets dug up. i tell myself that he needs a friend right now and not a jealous girlfriend in need of reassuring. if there's anyone who needs reassuring, it's him. he's more fragile than most people think. he might be old enough to take care of his mini-empire, makes all these grown-up decisions and order people around but at the end of the day he really is my baby who likes to be hugged and holds hands when he sees something bloody on TV.
two hours later we say goodbye and see you tomorrow. i say i love him. he says it back. my thoughts drift to card i bought a couple of days ago. i catch the moment when my love actually grew. i do love him more today than i did yesterday. bruises, heartaches, scars from the past and all. i think i'll tell him that.
the best thing i've heard all year:
me: "i hope this goes away. i don't like seeing you sad."
him" i'm not sad. i haven't been sad in the longest time."
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
life, love and a little more.
had a little chat with my bestfriend today. of course, our little chats never stay little.. i only called to ask if we were going to a wedding of a friend of ours in highschool. but as with all conversations we start, it leads to something else and something else and before we knew it we were laughing through a life-decision making conversation of should i or shouldn’t i-s.
i was kinda rambling about the fact that next year will be stan and my third year together. i told myself a long time ago that i will never go through another super long term relationship and just wake up one day and realize that i’ve wasted a quarter of my life and have to start over with someone else. but something she said struck a cord.
“maybe you shouldn’t put a time limit on love. as long as you're happy then maybe it’s still worth it. maybe we should just be happy to have people who are there for us when we need them to be.”
true.
perhaps i’ve let all that “be practical” talk get to my head and let my ideals get the better of me. since i was a little girl, i’ve planned out my life to a tee. flashbacks of me writing “when i’m 16 i’ll be... and when i’m 20 i’ll do this...” still dance in my head ever so often and i lament the fact that most if not none of those things become exactly as i imagined it to be.
perhaps the greatest of loves are found in the thrill of the chase of each day and not in the security of having each other forever. perhaps the greatest testament of love is staying even if you are free to go and not in staying because you made a promise to. perhaps the greatest commitment to love is choosing the same person everyday when you can have any other person.
so maybe i’ll relax for a bit and enjoy the journey without a destination in mind just yet.
i was kinda rambling about the fact that next year will be stan and my third year together. i told myself a long time ago that i will never go through another super long term relationship and just wake up one day and realize that i’ve wasted a quarter of my life and have to start over with someone else. but something she said struck a cord.
“maybe you shouldn’t put a time limit on love. as long as you're happy then maybe it’s still worth it. maybe we should just be happy to have people who are there for us when we need them to be.”
true.
perhaps i’ve let all that “be practical” talk get to my head and let my ideals get the better of me. since i was a little girl, i’ve planned out my life to a tee. flashbacks of me writing “when i’m 16 i’ll be... and when i’m 20 i’ll do this...” still dance in my head ever so often and i lament the fact that most if not none of those things become exactly as i imagined it to be.
perhaps the greatest of loves are found in the thrill of the chase of each day and not in the security of having each other forever. perhaps the greatest testament of love is staying even if you are free to go and not in staying because you made a promise to. perhaps the greatest commitment to love is choosing the same person everyday when you can have any other person.
so maybe i’ll relax for a bit and enjoy the journey without a destination in mind just yet.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
on the new year...
it's almost time to make new years resolutions again. i have a couple in mind already...
be more independent.
less clingy.
less worried that things won't go according to plan.
make more of my own plans.
speak my mind.
believe in myself.
live in the moment.
on other things, i had a conversation with my dad this morning about marriage. he asked me if stan and i were getting married. FYI. my cousin who is about my age just got engaged. i said i didn't know. he asked if we had any plans. in all honesty, i really don't know and i told him so. he then proceeded with some pearls of wisdom for me.
"if you love him and he takes care of you the way you want to be taken care of then you should get married. but if you have any doubt in your mind then don't. sometimes you just have doubts you can't explain and you should take it as a sign that you shouldn't. but you should also learn to distinguish between doubt and fear. marriage can sometimes be a scarey thing but if you work together then it'll turn out okay. don't be afraid of fighting or disagreeing. the important thing is that you are able to resolve it and resolve it well. forgiving is the easy part, it's the forgetting that's difficult."
be more independent.
less clingy.
less worried that things won't go according to plan.
make more of my own plans.
speak my mind.
believe in myself.
live in the moment.
on other things, i had a conversation with my dad this morning about marriage. he asked me if stan and i were getting married. FYI. my cousin who is about my age just got engaged. i said i didn't know. he asked if we had any plans. in all honesty, i really don't know and i told him so. he then proceeded with some pearls of wisdom for me.
"if you love him and he takes care of you the way you want to be taken care of then you should get married. but if you have any doubt in your mind then don't. sometimes you just have doubts you can't explain and you should take it as a sign that you shouldn't. but you should also learn to distinguish between doubt and fear. marriage can sometimes be a scarey thing but if you work together then it'll turn out okay. don't be afraid of fighting or disagreeing. the important thing is that you are able to resolve it and resolve it well. forgiving is the easy part, it's the forgetting that's difficult."
Monday, December 25, 2006
happy holidays!
christmas highlights of 2006
... dinner with the girls at liza's house and opening presents together.
... going out with friends and dancing the night away.
... putting up stan's virtual christmas tree on his computer desktop.
... joy arriving in cebu with my favorite oatmeal and raisin cookies.
... giving presents.
... getting presents.
... lechon, krispy kremes, chocolate and all my favorite things to eat.
... sophie's birthday
... shopping
... dressing up and looking nice.
... christmas makes you think of all the wonderful things you're blessed to have in your life. family, friends, love, and good memories. all i have to say is i'm definetely one happy girl this christmas!
... dinner with the girls at liza's house and opening presents together.
... going out with friends and dancing the night away.
... putting up stan's virtual christmas tree on his computer desktop.
... joy arriving in cebu with my favorite oatmeal and raisin cookies.
... giving presents.
... getting presents.
... lechon, krispy kremes, chocolate and all my favorite things to eat.
... sophie's birthday
... shopping
... dressing up and looking nice.
... christmas makes you think of all the wonderful things you're blessed to have in your life. family, friends, love, and good memories. all i have to say is i'm definetely one happy girl this christmas!
Monday, December 18, 2006
new beginnings. new identities.
my poor baby lost his wallet over the weekend and it happened in the most bizarre way. quite short of just disappearing into thin air. it was a poker afternoon in nino's house last saturday and i got quite tired of watching them oohh and aahh over killer combination cards. so i call up maya and ask her to coffee and a manicure-pedicure date with me. so i go and everything seems pretty normal up to the time where stan calls me up and says that he's going to ask to be dropped off to where i am. as soon as he gets there, he reaches into his pocket and poof! it's gone. we must have retraced his steps over and over again for almost an hour before he decided to just "let it go". we still had to go to his company party and we had planned a night out.
after about a few shots of scotch and vodka and him rehashing the mystery of the lost wallet over and over again to me we decide to just make a toast to put an end to the bad mood he was in. mine was to "new beginnings" and his was to "new identities". and since there was no bank and he had also lost his ATM card, he was completely dependent on me till he could get money, it was a nice to take care of him for a change. i bought him ice cream and junk food and took him to the spa to get his mind off things.
luckily, i also got him a wallet for christmas.
after about a few shots of scotch and vodka and him rehashing the mystery of the lost wallet over and over again to me we decide to just make a toast to put an end to the bad mood he was in. mine was to "new beginnings" and his was to "new identities". and since there was no bank and he had also lost his ATM card, he was completely dependent on me till he could get money, it was a nice to take care of him for a change. i bought him ice cream and junk food and took him to the spa to get his mind off things.
luckily, i also got him a wallet for christmas.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
the dust has finally settled
it's been a whirlwind of events since the last three weeks and i haven't had much time to sit back, relax and breathe... till now. so for all you beautiful people who care to see what's been happening in my the-world-revolves-wround-me life.. here are a few tidbits.
... christmas at CLC with the kids was so much fun. the preschool department put on a little christmas caroling program for their parents and the kids were just adorable. they're adorable already in their everyday garb but this christmas, we sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and they had reindeer antlers on and we painted their noses red. i got some cute presents from the kids (perks of being a teacher) and now everyone's off on christmas break. i'm going through a bit of "hug withdrawal" now since i'd average about 15 hugs a day when i'm with the kids. can't wait to see them again in january.
... did most of my christmas shopping early. i have a quarter of my list left to shop for and i guess i'm doing pretty well with my financial management. it helps to have special talents you can turn into gift giving ideas. after all of this shopping for others, i think i will reward myself with a shopping for me spree.
... today i spent a good chunk of the afternoon shopping for kiddie presents with stans mom (gasp!). i had planned to tag along with stan to work today and i arrived at his house shortly before noon armed with all sorts of things to keep me busy while sitting beside him at work. at lunch, his mom asked me for some gift ideas for her nieces and nephews and i happily obliged with an oral inventory of all the cool things i saw if i had little kids to give gifts to. before i knew it, i was getting into the car with her and heading off to the mall. it was quite epiphanic and i think i got a glimpse into my future as stans wife (if i should decide to be and that's another blog all together). and just as i was geting the hang of it, she decides to drop by my mom's office because she wants to get herself a whole new kitchen and walk-in closet for christmas! i think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds as we pulled into the parking lot and she was chatting up my mom. i haven't yet processed everything that happened yet so i'm quite happy to be back on stans green leather couch listening to the ambient noise of NBA 2k7 on the PS2.
by the way: new number. 0918-940-7826. but i'll still keep the old one just in case.
... looking forward to 2 more weeks of christmas break and christmas itself. although the situation isn't as ideal as i'd like it to be, perhaps some optimism and a little of my own christmas spirit will help things. =) Merry Christmas everyone!
... christmas at CLC with the kids was so much fun. the preschool department put on a little christmas caroling program for their parents and the kids were just adorable. they're adorable already in their everyday garb but this christmas, we sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and they had reindeer antlers on and we painted their noses red. i got some cute presents from the kids (perks of being a teacher) and now everyone's off on christmas break. i'm going through a bit of "hug withdrawal" now since i'd average about 15 hugs a day when i'm with the kids. can't wait to see them again in january.
... did most of my christmas shopping early. i have a quarter of my list left to shop for and i guess i'm doing pretty well with my financial management. it helps to have special talents you can turn into gift giving ideas. after all of this shopping for others, i think i will reward myself with a shopping for me spree.
... today i spent a good chunk of the afternoon shopping for kiddie presents with stans mom (gasp!). i had planned to tag along with stan to work today and i arrived at his house shortly before noon armed with all sorts of things to keep me busy while sitting beside him at work. at lunch, his mom asked me for some gift ideas for her nieces and nephews and i happily obliged with an oral inventory of all the cool things i saw if i had little kids to give gifts to. before i knew it, i was getting into the car with her and heading off to the mall. it was quite epiphanic and i think i got a glimpse into my future as stans wife (if i should decide to be and that's another blog all together). and just as i was geting the hang of it, she decides to drop by my mom's office because she wants to get herself a whole new kitchen and walk-in closet for christmas! i think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds as we pulled into the parking lot and she was chatting up my mom. i haven't yet processed everything that happened yet so i'm quite happy to be back on stans green leather couch listening to the ambient noise of NBA 2k7 on the PS2.
by the way: new number. 0918-940-7826. but i'll still keep the old one just in case.
... looking forward to 2 more weeks of christmas break and christmas itself. although the situation isn't as ideal as i'd like it to be, perhaps some optimism and a little of my own christmas spirit will help things. =) Merry Christmas everyone!
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