okay. now that the dust has settled and i've been able to put my thoughts in order, i've come up with another list of resolutions or things to do to improve my life. i'm getting excited about my birthday, nevermind the fact that i'm turning 26 and entering my LATE twenties. i'm feeling the pressure to make something of myself before 30. hopefully i'll be married with kids by then but that might take a while seeing how things are going so i might as well snap out of moping around and get excited about the other things i can do with the rest of my 20s.
#1 get a makeover. i think i've let my dressing style slip down a couple of notches over the years and it's easy to fall into complacency when you're busy and in some sort of a secure relationship. i'm not going to aim to be a size 2 or anything like that because i know it's never going to happen, but at least i should be healthy weight and dress well even if it means waking up 15 minutes earlier than i normally do. i'm also half contemplating cutting my hair short. what do you think?
#2 sleep more. i'm guilty of pushing the limit quite often and i really should get more sleep. besides, sleeping well at night gives your body time to regenerate hence less wrinkles and you eat less during the day because your body doesn't feel the need to compensate with food and thus accomplishing resolution #1.
#3 meditate. no matter how busy i am, i should be able to set some time for myself and center, perhaps even pray.
#4 be less clingy. yes. my perpetual goal but i'll still keep it as a goal until i'm finally rid of the need to totter after you-know-who and build my life around him. i'm doing everything in my power to make this relationship work and if he doesn't see the value in it and decide to make a commitment then maybe i should be strong and smart enough to know when to move on. in the meantime, it's back to painting all thoughts of the M word black to keep from moping around.
#5 spend less and save more. i should streamline my finances and start cutting out unnecessary expenses. my trips to the bank should be to deposit and not to withdraw.
#6 travel. well, i haven't yet figured out how to do this without breaking resolution #5. this might have to be a long term goal but i'll get there.
#7 go green. do my part in saving the planet from destruction. remembering to turn the lights off, recycle, reduce and reuse, get my students involved in some environment thingi project.
#8 finish christmas shopping early. preferably before december. i should start making my list and buying stuff so i have time to really think about it and not give hurried-thoughtless generic presents.
that's it for now. i decided on small and attainable goals as opposed to delusions of grandeur that might end up making me feel even more unaccomplished. in the meantime, i'm excited for our lunch date with maya to catch up on things and plan my birthday party.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
just my imagination (running away with me)
sorry ren. couldn't think of a more original title. it just seems like my head is in constant turmoil these days. i'm anxious about anything and everything and i'm analyzing every little thing to death. so much so that i've actually developed some sort of perpetual never ending tummy ache from all the worrying i've been doing. i know i should stop and stick to my resolution to let things go with the flow. but i can't. at least not right now. i'm trapped in some pathological anxiety ridden nightmare.
case and point: stan casually mentioned to me about changing the tiles on his floor to wood laminates. my brain automatically switched to high gear and started analyzing why he was changing the tiles. why would he spend so much on changing the tiles in his room? isn't he planning to move out of his parents house? doesn't he know i'm not going to live there if we tie the knot? does that mean he's not thinking of getting married? why isn't he thinking of getting married? doesn't he realize we've been in a relationship for 3 years? how much longer will i have to wait? or maybe i'm just wasting my time and he's never going to marry me. why not? what's wrong with me?.... so on and so forth.
plus i'm turning 26. i used to be happy whenever my birthday comes around but this year feels a bit different. i can't exactly put my finger on why i feel anxious about my birthday. maybe i just need to get excited about planning it or something or concentrate on turning off my incessant worrying.
case and point: stan casually mentioned to me about changing the tiles on his floor to wood laminates. my brain automatically switched to high gear and started analyzing why he was changing the tiles. why would he spend so much on changing the tiles in his room? isn't he planning to move out of his parents house? doesn't he know i'm not going to live there if we tie the knot? does that mean he's not thinking of getting married? why isn't he thinking of getting married? doesn't he realize we've been in a relationship for 3 years? how much longer will i have to wait? or maybe i'm just wasting my time and he's never going to marry me. why not? what's wrong with me?.... so on and so forth.
plus i'm turning 26. i used to be happy whenever my birthday comes around but this year feels a bit different. i can't exactly put my finger on why i feel anxious about my birthday. maybe i just need to get excited about planning it or something or concentrate on turning off my incessant worrying.
Monday, October 15, 2007
3 in 1 blog
okay... this completing my cover art project is harder than i thought. half of the songs in my 8G library have no album information so i have to research on the song to make sure i'm getting the correct album. i've been searching and downloading for days and i'm only about halfway there. so now i'm stuck with a gorgeous coverflow display with holes in it. i just need to muster up the diligence to complete it. well... maybe if i had the reward of getting an iPhone for my birthday, all my troubles might seem worth it. haha. but i've kinda hinted to stan that i don't want an iPhone coz i'm aiming for something nice and shiny that sits well on my ring finger instead. well... doesn't hurt to dream and an iPhone won't be bad either!
on other news, i think i've gotten my karma. there are these 2 girls in my grade 3 art class who just won't stop talking!! aliza and katalin ugarte. they're cousins who happen to be in the same class. no matter what you do, they find a way to "legitimize" their constant chatting and they always come up with bribes, deals and sneaky excuses to sit next to each other in art class. even if i hang those two girls upside down, they'll still be talking to each other. it kinda reminds me of maya and i in highschool.
on the 19th and 20th, stan will be away on his forum retreat. he and his EO buddies will be in plantation bay for a 2 day thing and no girlfriends or wives allowed. there was one forum member though who insisted on bringing his wife. i didn't want to push it and make stan bring me too since the others were quite annoyed that the guy insisted so i thought it best i wait for my invitation. well, it came in the form of babysitting the wife on friday and saturday. i won't stay over at plantation bay and i have to drive back and forth from the city though. i still have to think of activities for us to do on the weekend while the boys have their retreat. help anyone? i was also thinking of playing a little practical joke on them for not allowing wives and girlfriends. when stan and the husband ask me where i'm taking the wife i'll try to say this with the straightest face possible. "oh.. just some shopping and dinner out and i have a friend who's having a wet and wild bachelorette rave party with stripers and guy models. you won't mind if we go right?"
on other news, i think i've gotten my karma. there are these 2 girls in my grade 3 art class who just won't stop talking!! aliza and katalin ugarte. they're cousins who happen to be in the same class. no matter what you do, they find a way to "legitimize" their constant chatting and they always come up with bribes, deals and sneaky excuses to sit next to each other in art class. even if i hang those two girls upside down, they'll still be talking to each other. it kinda reminds me of maya and i in highschool.
on the 19th and 20th, stan will be away on his forum retreat. he and his EO buddies will be in plantation bay for a 2 day thing and no girlfriends or wives allowed. there was one forum member though who insisted on bringing his wife. i didn't want to push it and make stan bring me too since the others were quite annoyed that the guy insisted so i thought it best i wait for my invitation. well, it came in the form of babysitting the wife on friday and saturday. i won't stay over at plantation bay and i have to drive back and forth from the city though. i still have to think of activities for us to do on the weekend while the boys have their retreat. help anyone? i was also thinking of playing a little practical joke on them for not allowing wives and girlfriends. when stan and the husband ask me where i'm taking the wife i'll try to say this with the straightest face possible. "oh.. just some shopping and dinner out and i have a friend who's having a wet and wild bachelorette rave party with stripers and guy models. you won't mind if we go right?"
Saturday, October 13, 2007
what's been going on in my life lately
story number 1
for extra income, my mom decided to rent out the guesthouse. after months of going through people, she finally found someone she could live with. our family friend's friend's son is moving to cebu from manila and he decided to stay at our place. he and his mom came over the other day to check it out and slowly move into our guesthouse. paolo rivera, my new housemate, is a 28 year old church going fellow who bears an uncanny resemblance to emil will be living in my house for about a year or so. he plays the guitar, doesn't drink or smoke, watches football and is nice to my dogs. we probably won't be bosom buddies but i think we'll get along.
story number 2
my nono's not doing too well. i hope he makes it to my birthday.
story number 3
my dad's mom (my lola) came over to the house to speak to my mom. her opening line was "dai, are you and mariano ever going to get back together?" she made a last ditch effort to convince my mom to take my dad back since she disapproves of what he's been doing. she came to report that my dad has been practically living with his girlfriend and apparently they're trying for a son. they can't get married yet since my parent's marriage hasn't been annulled but it's in the works. i haven't processed it yet and i think i'm still in the middle of wishing that my dad never gets a son. i'm a daddy's girl and i will die before some little bastard son comes and takes my place. i can't bear the thought of him going home to another family and going on vacations with them and other fun stuff. but i also know that i can't piece my family together the way i want it and everyone's entitled to their own happiness. i just have to be grown up about it and swallow the bitter pill life has given me. well, one day at a time.
story number 4
i've been working on completing my album art for days now. my coverflow's starting to look gorgeous.
for extra income, my mom decided to rent out the guesthouse. after months of going through people, she finally found someone she could live with. our family friend's friend's son is moving to cebu from manila and he decided to stay at our place. he and his mom came over the other day to check it out and slowly move into our guesthouse. paolo rivera, my new housemate, is a 28 year old church going fellow who bears an uncanny resemblance to emil will be living in my house for about a year or so. he plays the guitar, doesn't drink or smoke, watches football and is nice to my dogs. we probably won't be bosom buddies but i think we'll get along.
story number 2
my nono's not doing too well. i hope he makes it to my birthday.
story number 3
my dad's mom (my lola) came over to the house to speak to my mom. her opening line was "dai, are you and mariano ever going to get back together?" she made a last ditch effort to convince my mom to take my dad back since she disapproves of what he's been doing. she came to report that my dad has been practically living with his girlfriend and apparently they're trying for a son. they can't get married yet since my parent's marriage hasn't been annulled but it's in the works. i haven't processed it yet and i think i'm still in the middle of wishing that my dad never gets a son. i'm a daddy's girl and i will die before some little bastard son comes and takes my place. i can't bear the thought of him going home to another family and going on vacations with them and other fun stuff. but i also know that i can't piece my family together the way i want it and everyone's entitled to their own happiness. i just have to be grown up about it and swallow the bitter pill life has given me. well, one day at a time.
story number 4
i've been working on completing my album art for days now. my coverflow's starting to look gorgeous.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
one for the books
saturday night.
stan and i doubled-dated with nina and ranny at coffee bean and decided to go to vudu for a bit. 2 hours and 3 vodkas later, we're about ready to go back to his place for a little "special alone time." it's 4:30 AM as we creep into his house checking all the nooks and crannies for anybody awake at this ungodly hour. just as we think everyone is asleep, his MOM peeks out of the hallway door that's next to his room and i totally freeze in horror. and for what seems like an eternity, i'm glued to the stairs wishing the steps would swallow me up or i'd chameleon into the wall or something. stan and her exchange words and she turns back to her room. i instinctively run to the basement wide eyed and sober.
did she see me? maybe she didn't. maybe she did! what the hell could i possibly say that would validate me being in their house tiptoeing shoes in hand at the crack of dawn?
monday night.
after having lost sleep over it, i finally have dinner with his parents. nothing out of the ordinary happens. they're both chatty and pleasant. i can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
PHEW!
stan and i doubled-dated with nina and ranny at coffee bean and decided to go to vudu for a bit. 2 hours and 3 vodkas later, we're about ready to go back to his place for a little "special alone time." it's 4:30 AM as we creep into his house checking all the nooks and crannies for anybody awake at this ungodly hour. just as we think everyone is asleep, his MOM peeks out of the hallway door that's next to his room and i totally freeze in horror. and for what seems like an eternity, i'm glued to the stairs wishing the steps would swallow me up or i'd chameleon into the wall or something. stan and her exchange words and she turns back to her room. i instinctively run to the basement wide eyed and sober.
did she see me? maybe she didn't. maybe she did! what the hell could i possibly say that would validate me being in their house tiptoeing shoes in hand at the crack of dawn?
monday night.
after having lost sleep over it, i finally have dinner with his parents. nothing out of the ordinary happens. they're both chatty and pleasant. i can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
PHEW!
no announcements from me.
phew! i got my period today. now i can start on a clean slate and regularize my schedule. it was starting to get confusing so i decided to just get through a month without my daily pills and hope for the best. not the smartest thing to do but at least i got through it unscathed.
this weekend was just a ball of emotion though. i don't think i've ever had a worse bout with PMS ever since i've been on the pill and since i rested for a month after 3 years of taking it, practically all hell broke loose. i could feel the steam rising from the top of my head when the barrista at coffee bean didn't get my order right and took forever and a day to give me what i wanted. i ate lechon 3 times yesterday and still had space for chocolate chip cookies. i was snapping at stan, crossing my arms and pouting whenever i didn't get what i wanted. i was nearly in tears when i couldn't find a dvd i just bought and i was in a hissy fit when i was about to sign off YM to get a good night's sleep and a friend came on and starts whining about how boring his life is. plus, my face is so spotty from all the pimples i've been getting for the past week and i've been having headaches and migraines for the past 3 days.
i'm just glad it's over and i can have normal pimple-free PMS-free super predictable periods again.
this weekend was just a ball of emotion though. i don't think i've ever had a worse bout with PMS ever since i've been on the pill and since i rested for a month after 3 years of taking it, practically all hell broke loose. i could feel the steam rising from the top of my head when the barrista at coffee bean didn't get my order right and took forever and a day to give me what i wanted. i ate lechon 3 times yesterday and still had space for chocolate chip cookies. i was snapping at stan, crossing my arms and pouting whenever i didn't get what i wanted. i was nearly in tears when i couldn't find a dvd i just bought and i was in a hissy fit when i was about to sign off YM to get a good night's sleep and a friend came on and starts whining about how boring his life is. plus, my face is so spotty from all the pimples i've been getting for the past week and i've been having headaches and migraines for the past 3 days.
i'm just glad it's over and i can have normal pimple-free PMS-free super predictable periods again.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
1234... tell me that you love me more.
i love Feist. i first heard her on the new iPod nano commercial and went on a downloading spree. all her songs are pretty cute. the kind that chase away monday blues.
my personal favorites are 1234, mushaboom, my moon man and i feel it all. trust me, they're worth getting!
anyway, i've started working out. so far so good. i hit the gym around 4:30, do 20 minutes of warm up cardio on the treadmill, do some weights then join an hour long dance class. so far so good. i've been going since tuesday and everything hurts. i just hope i can keep it up till christmas at least. now to keep the munchies at bay. i swear, for the past 2 weeks i've been eating and eating. i can't seem to take my mind off food. even while i'm typing this, i have a sudden urge to eat bibinka. maybe my period's coming. i have been feeling a bit irritable, needy and clingy lately. either that or it's something else... *crosses fingers.
my personal favorites are 1234, mushaboom, my moon man and i feel it all. trust me, they're worth getting!
anyway, i've started working out. so far so good. i hit the gym around 4:30, do 20 minutes of warm up cardio on the treadmill, do some weights then join an hour long dance class. so far so good. i've been going since tuesday and everything hurts. i just hope i can keep it up till christmas at least. now to keep the munchies at bay. i swear, for the past 2 weeks i've been eating and eating. i can't seem to take my mind off food. even while i'm typing this, i have a sudden urge to eat bibinka. maybe my period's coming. i have been feeling a bit irritable, needy and clingy lately. either that or it's something else... *crosses fingers.
Monday, October 01, 2007
on remakes and orginals
we're sitting on our usual green couch, typing away on our respective laptops.
Just Like Heaven by Katie Melua plays on my iTunes.
him: oh. i thought it was The Cure.
me: The Cure?
him: sus! they're the originals! you're listening to a remake. the one of The Cure was better.
me: better? okay. i'll download it to check it out.
me: downloads song on limewire and listens to it. decides that the remake was better but gives kudos to The Cure for coming up with the lyrics.
him: it's better noh?
me: err.. i kinda liked the unplugged remake by Katie better.
him: ha??!! The Cure is new wave! sus!!! that's the best. all those other artists are just copying! man.. you're too pop.
me: you're too old.
Just Like Heaven by Katie Melua plays on my iTunes.
him: oh. i thought it was The Cure.
me: The Cure?
him: sus! they're the originals! you're listening to a remake. the one of The Cure was better.
me: better? okay. i'll download it to check it out.
me: downloads song on limewire and listens to it. decides that the remake was better but gives kudos to The Cure for coming up with the lyrics.
him: it's better noh?
me: err.. i kinda liked the unplugged remake by Katie better.
him: ha??!! The Cure is new wave! sus!!! that's the best. all those other artists are just copying! man.. you're too pop.
me: you're too old.
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