oh canada...

so we're all set. leaving on the 24th and coming back on the 8th. i hope nothing else goes wrong. everything seems to have gone wrong at one point. i had to fly to manila just to make sure i get that damn stamp on my passport that says i can enter canada. if it weren't for stan, i don't think i'd EVER set foot in canada. so my originally 23 day vacation has been whittled down to a 16 day vacation because of all the delays and the fuck ups that's been happening. the travel agent gave my departure on the 22nd away because she thought we weren't going anymore. well, that's okay i guess. maybe that'll be 7 days too long with the in-laws. stans mom still scares me till now. she means well but she can be really tactless sometimes. i like his dad more. he seems to be a more genuine person. we'll be staying with his sister whom i really get along with. i hope stans parents stay in her in-laws house while we're there. i think i'd die waking up to them every morning for the next two weeks!
haha. also, thank god for time zones. we'd be spending christmas eve on the plane philippine time but at least when we get there, we'd be just in time for christmas eve all over again.

i don't think i will be as crushed as i thought i would be if i didn't get to go. something tells me my place is here sticking out the worst christmas my family will have. first christmas with divorced parents will always be the suckiest. after that, it's just following routine. decisions have to be made. and half the night wil be spent driving from either mom to dad or dad to mom. whichever way it turns out, it'll be miserable. and getting the two of them to sit down at a dinner table is out of the question so i guess i just have to worry about how far i have to drive from point A to point B. i love stan and i desperately want to spend christmas with him but in comparison to spending christmas with the people who put me an the top of the "people i love the most" list, canada doesn't seem too good of an idea anymore. well, if i get my visa then i'll go but part of me is wishing that fate just decides that i stay. stan's been in my life for a little over a year but my family's been in mine for my whole life. maybe i'm being too selfish to bail out on them now. they might be dysfunctional but they're all i have in the end and they're the ones who'll come running when my world crumbles.

and i thought things couldn't get any worse

DENIED! my visa was denied and i have three days to fix it. well, as someone put it, i lead a semi-charmed kind of life. i was denied but i have to thank my lucky stars i'm friends with the first daughter who has graciously offered to help make the canadian embassy give me a visa. IN THREE DAYS. oh well, i guess if the office of the president can't do then it's impossible.

we'll see. but on the other hand, maybe it's fate. i did have lingering second thoughts and anxiety attacks about this so maybe fate has just decided what's best. or maybe it's a trailblazing sign from God or something. or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. ambigious but possibly true.

stan disagrees. "there's no such thing as fate." he says.

the last week is always the worst

i have a week to go. and an awfully long one too. i leave on sunday which leaves me 5 more days since today is practically gone. I haven't packed, work is beginning to become unbearably busy and frustrating, i have not bought gifts for anyone and to make matters worse i'm sick. stuffy nose and scratchy throat. i have no idea how i'm going to get through this week with everything done. oh yeah.. and my visa hasn't arrived yet so i'm still worried about that. stan says not to worry and to start packing. well, at least im going to enjoy my vacation even more after this hellweek is over. and i thought christmas was supposed to be fun in preschool...

by this time next week i'll be snowboarding at cypress. or making a snowman if i can't get up on the board. will take lots of pictures. god knows my friendster pics need updating. haha.