my computer is mute. i think my antiquated speakers have finally given up on me. i'm pretty worried that the other parts aren't far behind. the monitor is showing signs of dying out too. on the upside, an excuse to buy a new one. on the downside, that's WAAAAY out of my budget. oh well, we'll see how it goes.
on the neither up nor down side but just plain soap opera-ish as my life was meant to be. anthony's mom called me up. this isn't the first time she's done this since we've broken up but this is quite unexpected since we broke up more than a year ago.
tita: hi! i called you because i heard you were getting married!"
uh, no. we are not. no wedding bells ringing anytime soon. anyway, she goes on with some small talk about her new negosyo and stuff... i sit there on my couch mmhmming and ah reallying along. waiting. waiting for her to bring it up. part of me thinks that i should have just made some excuse not to talk but part of me knows that this will never go away until you drive in the nails. she talked about her plans to renovate the house since it's just her and tonton now. she mentioned her other money-making plans for her and tonton which is basically constructing a house in their pretty big backyard and renting it out to executives. she went on to mention the real reason why she called. if you haven't guesses right now, you must be special. =P
she asked, in so many words, if there was any hope of us getting back together. she said ton was really depressed and that he was well... languishing in misery to put it shortly. he was back into music though and was thinking of leaving for malaysia for two years. curious. somehow, she kinda asked me to talk to him or do something to stop him from leaving.
it was touching that she still thought of me as part of the family. but at the same time i was irritated at the burden that she placed on me. i loved him with everything i had and more for the past 5 years. although i still do care, it's not the same. there is no hope of reconciling. no hope of rekindling our romance. there's just no hope. i've passed the point of no return. i told her all this (even if it killed me inside to do it) in kinder words of course. i owe her alot and hurting her wasn't something i relished. she was there for me during our breakup and gracious enough to tell me the truth when everyone else sugarcoated it or avoided it or told me the mandatory its-going-to-be-okay when in fact it wasn't. she told me to move on. find someone else and forget.
anyway. ending this overly sappy whiny blog. the shit just got shittier. on the same day, a few hours after we talked his cousin texted me and asked if we could meet because she was really worried about ton. man... when it rains it pours. anyway, i kinda put that off for a while. in other words, ignore till i come up with some sort of action that stands on my principles but doesn't make me the heinous bitch.
i'm happy. i'm in love and i'm going to hang on to this for as long as i can.
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